Our Ongoing Grief

Why do we have ongoing grief, you may ask? I’ll explain.

• We grieve the old “us”. We miss the days when we had more energy and could do more.

• We grieve the spontaneity we used to have because now what we do depends on how we feel that day.

• We grieve the days we didn’t have to calculate our energy for working, errands, events, phone calls, etc.

• We grieve the days when resting was a choice, not a requirement.

• We grieve the feeling of accomplishment after a productive day.

• We grieve the energy we used to give to our relationships.

• We grieve the version of ourselves who could push through.

• We grieve the version of ourselves who were successful, high achievers.

• We grieve the ability to live without pacing.

• We grieve the confidence in making plans a week or a month out.

• We feel guilt when we cancel plans because we WANT to be there, but can’t.

• We grieve the fact that sometimes our mind still wants the life our body can't keep pace with.

• We’re terrified that our partners will leave because this isn’t the life either of us imagined.

• We feel guilt for needing help, for resting, and for not being who we used to be.

If you are a friend or family member of someone going through this, the most important thing you can do for us is to not try to fix us, not judge us, and not try to provide a solution, but instead, to believe us.

Believe us when we say we hurt, believe us when we say we’re not just tired…that we’re exhausted, believe us when we say we need rest, believe us when we say we just can’t.

Be patient with us. Your understanding and your presence is healing for us.